18.8.25

Vetusta

Desde el piso mas alto, en la oscuridad, las únicas ventanas con algo de actividad son cocinas, y poco a poco se apagan. Alguien corre una cortina tupida, quizás me intuyen en las sombras espiando. Se extiende la ciudad, se desparrama hacia una montaña por donde se van desperdigando luces hasta desaparecer del todo. Solo arriba, en una de las cimas coronando se ve una figura que imagino que es uno de esos cristos con los brazos abiertos. Seguramente tengan algún nombre técnico. Hacia abajo, tuberías gigantes, como siempre que una da a estos patios internos y traseros. Como la ventana de Mi tío Teo, solo que la mía esconde los secretos a plena vista (sé que no se dice así, pero esto soy yo también). El cielo super rosa, en algún momento romperá a llorarver.

De fondo: zumbidos, vibraciones, una televisión lejana, pasos en moqueta

17.8.25

Noche de puente

Los incontables veranos llenos de angustia no se borran así como así, pero sigo empeñada en cambiar los circuitos.

Estoy contenta de haber superado el FOMO del puente y haberme quedado en Madrid. Se me está pasando rapidísimo este verano eterno de calor infernal. Será por las incertidumbres del otoño, qué sé yo. Tengo ganas de meter los pies en el mar, claro, pero no prisa.

Hoy fui a una clase de yoga, y como siempre que hago algo del estilo he pensado en una chica a la que nunca llegué a conocer en persona cuyo contacto conseguí a través de una red de intercambios que había en la US (hará unos 20 años, ahí es nada). Nos escribimos un par de veces, nunca llegamos a quedar (probablemente porque no fui capaz de dar el paso), pero nos seguimos en redes desde entonces. Sé muchas cosas de su vida, en qué parte del mundo vive, a qué se dedica, cuándo se casó, cosas buenas y cosas malas que le han pasado. Si algún día llegáramos a vernos en persona me sentiría como una stalkeadora, porque ¿quién recuerda tantos detalles de una persona que no conoce? ¿Es puro cotilleo? no la conozco de nada. ¿Es porque tiene una vida interesante? Puede ser, pero tampoco veo yo más que un atisbo de todo, no es que sea una influencer que comparte cada desayuno que se toma. Es difícil de explicar (pero tampoco creo que haga falta). 

Últimamente estoy un poco obsesionada con los registros de mi vida, como dije en el post anterior quiero imprimir el blog para tenerlo, para poder leerlo dentro de 10 años, si acaso blogger decidiera desaparecer. Quiero también volver a llevar el registro de las entradas de cine, y me pasé un par de días intentado "recopilar" todas aquellas que no había guardado. He conseguido recordar sólo una decena de películas desde 2011 cuando empezaron a escasear tanto las visitas al cine como las entradas en papel. Estoy segura de que son unas cuantas más, pero bueno. Sumergirse en ese registro antiquísimo, en el que además escribía con quién iba a ver cada película es todo un viaje siempre que me da por mirarlo. Y quiero poder volver a hacerlo cuando pase el tiempo.

La cuenta de last.fm es imposible de recuperar. La dirección con la que la registré ya no existe (llanuraabisal, those were the days) y es probable que pusiera una fecha de nacimiento falsa, así que...

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De fondo: I'm going down - Vampire Weekend





5.8.25

"Si por ella fuera se entregaría al vicio sin dudar, como yo. Las dos lo sabemos. Ojalá pudiéramos hablar de ello, pero se hace raro. Esa soltura es muy difícil de alcanzar. Por otro lado me incomoda imaginar la conversación. No pasa nada, no hace falta que lo hablemos. Está en el aire. Ella sabe que no he nacido para ser su hija y yo sé que ella no podía sentirse más lejos de estar preparada para ser madre cuando parió. Estamos aquí por casualidad, resistiendo las tentaciones como un favor de la una para la otra."

Vozdevieja - Elisa Victoria

¿Cómo se cita un libro en formato blog? Podría buscarlo, pero estoy un poco harta últimamente de tener la solución a todo en la punta de los dedos.

Acabo de exportar el blog entero porque de pronto me ha entrado el terror de que desaparezca esta gran obra de la literatura. Llevo tiempo queriendo escribir por gusto, apunto cosas en el móvil, pero nunca llego a sentarme porque pienso ¿a quién le importa lo que yo escriba? Pero... ¿por qué le tiene que importar a nadie? De hecho, si importara, esto estaría más que borrado hace años.

Entonces aquí nos encontramos, una noche de martes, una casa silenciosa que desde ayer se me hacía un poco bola, y no sabía por qué hasta que de pronto he mirado el relojito con el huso horario de Chengdú. Ahí está la clave. He recordado una época nada amable en la que el amor se suponía que cruzaba océanos, y no tenía mal recuerdo así general, pero si me paro a pensarlo tengo demasiados detalles feos en la cabeza. Ponerle nombre ha evaporado un poco el comecome, aunque haya dejado algo de costra.

Veo las ventanas cambiantes. Quiero ir al oculista a que me apuntale un poco para poder definir mejor esas sombras. Mira, otra idea: un atardecer desde mi balcón. Reto para antes de que se acaben las noches cortas.

Este año todo va lento, suave, a ratos se desestabiliza un poco esta hoja que me lleva, pero me paro, respiro, me agarro a lo que puedo hasta que el viento se calma. Y vuelve la brisa, y consigo disfrutarla por primera vez en tantos veranos.

Vamos a ver si soy capaz de hacer algo con el archivo que ya está descargado (que google advertía que podría tardar horas, ¡días incluso! han sido unos cinco minutos).



14.1.22

#WTFEB

A certain day in january 2021 I came across a post on instagram by Steve Chapman asking people to join the second edition of Whatthefebruary. A creative challenge that would take place during the month of february, every morning at 9AM he would post a challenge during the 28 days. I thought I might be a fun idea, even if I'm not a particularly crafty person I was eager to have something to focus on during the last dark month of the winter.

So I joined, to my surprise I completed 24 out of the 28 challenges (I'm generally a quitter, never manage to complete courses (unless I'm forced to), or new year resolutions or anything really). And it did help me, and I wished it had lasted longer because I loved having a little something to do each day.

Anyway one thing I wanted to do is put all my challenges together, and maybe complete the ones I didn't do during february. Also some of them were very rushed at the end of the day and I thought I could have done them better so I'll take the chance to redo them before posting (spoiler alert: I didn't redo shit).

So without further ado, see below my WTFEB challenges

DAY 1: BAD FAN ART⁠

I'm sorry if this gives you nightmares, although I think that's kind of the point? #wtfeb DAY 1, BAD FAN ART of my adored @thomyorke, aka Jamón Yorke like @boosita84 and I like to call him. I may or may not have used a picture to guide my drawing @stevexoh
Let's get through this February thing


DAY 2: INANIMATE OBJECT LOVE SONGS⁠⁠

I sticked to a poem today, as it was easier to write and add a few line breaks every 4 or 5 words. I may add some music at some point, if I ever learn to play the theremin or something. Swipe right for the whole ode and to see my muse #wtfeb #qwerty #keyboard #wtfebruary @stevexoh

Oh dear Qwerty keyboard,
the source of all my words,
we've been together for so long.

Since I was little
and you were a typewriter
and the legs of your keys would get tangled
because I pushed too hard
too quick

Now you're all nice and soft
not as soft as to missclick;
but nearly.

You greet me every morning when I get to work,
and you're so sticky
when I type my password
because someone has wiped you furiosuly to get rid
of any trace that may be left
from whoever had access to you the night before
(usually me).

Sometimes I look at you
and I don't recognize you,
because someone (me again?)
has changed the configuration,
and it can be so confusing.

I wish you had ñs,
and accent marks,
and a ç
that I don't use in my native language
but nevermind.

DAY 3: SURREALIST TIME CAPSULE⁠⁠
Every year during the month previously known as February we draw (so called) bad art of our idols, and write poems or love songs to inanimate objects. We eat monochrome food and sometimes even dance on the street (YES in public). Draining words of their meaning or wearing drawn watches on our wrists are other popular activities undertaken during the february month. We don't do much the rest of the year, just wear masks, sanitize and put sticks up our noses (some even their arses!). /(( xx

(I've lost the video, so here's a link to the instagram post)


DAY 4: EVERYDAY CARTOONING⁠⁠

This everyday cartooning exercise has made me realize how little human contact I have during the day, and most of my phrases were catched while on the phone, not many of them were trully overheard.

The hardest one to draw was something I've seen in a dream... Which is weird, because I always have very vivid dreams and I can tell you all sorts of details about them in the morning, but they fade away very quickly, and by noon all that's left is a vague sensation of comfort if it was a good one, or some anxiousness if it was a nightmare.


DAY 5: MOVE BEYOND WORDS⁠⁠
Guest challenge with @movebeyondwords_
After spending the day sticking needles in people's arms with my very (very) cold hands, this is all I could think of. Pins and needles all the way
#pins #needles #wonky




DAY 6: THE FAKE FESTIVAL
I missed this one, maybe one day I'll come back to it (nah, probably not)

DAY 7: MYTHICAL BEASTS COLLAGE
Presenting the Button Eyed Mezotrix, with 2 right hands, found underneath wooden decks. Always keeps its dogs warm, even in the summer.
Delicious if slow cooked, although it's best to remove the eyelashes as they can give a bitter taste


DAY 8: EVERYDAY LYRICS 
Got myself a little prompt list, got it by the phone, let's see how much red there's on it by the end of the day



DAY 9: INVENT A DANCE
Not exactly invented, but you could say reinterpreted. Featuring my ugly hands and those of Mulo. Music by @ojetecaloroficial, which was my last concert, trip and happy clean memory before Covid. Sorry for the wonkiness, @stevexoh, this is my first ever reel! 👵🏽
.
#ojetecalor #mocatriz #wtfebruary


DAY 10: CAN YOU HELP
This would improve my life so much #wtfebruary #potato #jacketpotato


DAY 11: START A NICHE MEMBERSHIP CLUB
I think there's plenty of members out there. Please wear socks #wtfebruary #codfeet


DAY 12: OPEN AN ART GALLERY
Welcome to the mobile biscuit canvas portrait gallery. In town today, for breakfast tomorrow. #wtfebruary #wonky #biscuits #portrait

DAY 13: PIMP A CRITTER⁠
I missed this one, maybe one day I'll come back to it (nah, probably not)

DAY 14: ERIC'S MAKE OVER
Here you can see Eric wearing a Button Eyed Mezolar costume. Eric dressed to attend a Cold Feet Club event. And Eric working on his latest portrait for the Buscuit Canvas Gallery (swipe right for more details) #wtfebruary #wonky #February


DAY 15: BECOME A THOUGHT LEADER FOR THE DAY
Follow me if you can't find the right words #wtfebruary #wonky #wisdom



DAY 16: TICKETS OF CHEER
Only managed to put 2 of these together for today's challenge from @stevexoh. But I think they'll make a couple of people's days a bit better (or at least they will when they're  redeemed) #wtfebruary #wonky #cheer



DAY 17: FREELANCE DREAM DESIGNER 
Have a look at some work behind the scenes, preparing the next webinar to sell my latest dream package. More details from the slides if you swipe right. Scenario III is my favourite. DM if you have any particular dream request @stevexoh #wtfebruary #wonky #dream



DAY 18: INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIVING A LIFE 


DAY 19: NON-LEAGUE FOOTBALL CLUB BADGES
I missed this one, maybe one day I'll come back to it (nah, probably not)

DAY 20: INVENT A PERFUME
 


DAY 21: INVERTED PORTRAITURE
Today @stevexoh made our heads spin a little! #wtfebruary #wonky #upsidedown #hairspray #not
 


DAY 22: MUNDANE SUPER HEORES⁠
 

DAY 23: A GENTLE RE-WEIRDING⁠⁠
I missed this one, maybe one day I'll come back to it (nah, probably not)
 
DAY 24: SING YOUR DAY⁠⁠
I missed this one, maybe one day I'll come back to it (nah, probably not)
 
DAY 25: IMAGINARY BOOK REVIEW
You can find it on Goodreads (you really can, I'm afraid I added it as a joke thinking I could delete it straight away and apparently it doesn't work like that) @stevexoh #wtfebruary #wonky #book #bookstagram #imaginarybook


DAY 26: MAKE YOUR OWN CURRENCY
There was a time when people could literally give a monkey about stuff. In the picture, a rare edition of a Carl, worth a free ride to pick someone up late @stevexoh #wtfebruary #wonky #currency #currencytrading #collection
DAY 27: BEHIND THE MASK⁠⁠ 
I don't know if this happens to everyone (I think it does) but I am a different person when I speak in English. I am grateful to be able to wear three different masks, although the Italian one it's been fading off for a while (it's one I particularly miss because it's purely a feel good mask)

The English one becomes stronger everyday though, and it is a struggle sometimes. It is strange when you positively know you're acting different when speaking something other than your mother tongue(that's the feel like home one), but you can't help it. It is also weird because I've spent the last 10 years learning and living English, and of course I have changed. There are parts of my personality linked to a language, and it is fascinating, but kind of scary as well. (sorry for the inaccurate colours for the flags also made a mess cutting the holes in the Italian one xD) @stevexoh #wtfebruary #wonky #flags #mask


DAY 28: TIME TRAVEL CHALLENGE
So nice to finally be able to use my wrist sun watch. This was the challenge that caught my eye from last year's #wtfebruary and made me want to join this year. It has really brighten a very dark month, thank you so much @stevexoh #wonky #challenge #sun #watch
 


Addendum: It's taken me nearly a year to make this compilation. In the meantime, I've moved countries and I'm still adjusting to this new life closer to home, there's lots of uncertainty on the horizon. BUT one thing I know is that I will be taking part in 2022's #wtfeb.

Let the wonkiness begin!